Thursday, 28 April 2016

The Not Good Enough Mentality


The other day I realised that the blogging world, and the world in general, is full of the "I'm not good enough" mentality and I know I'm one of the worst culprits for it. Even when I know that I'm good at something, there's a little voice in my head that says "nope, you're definitely not good enough for that" and I realised it even more so the other day when I was talking to Karl about what I was going to do after graduation. He suggested full time blogging and my immediate reply was "I'm not good enough to be a full-time blogger" and that's when it really sunk in that I am my own worst enemy. Because why the hell am I not good enough to be a full-time blogger? Why am I not good enough to pursue a career that I'd love? Why am I not good enough to pass all of my exams? I think that now in the age of the internet where people are constantly bragging about how much money they earn, comparison can kill our positive attitudes.

You can barely scroll down Facebook without seeing someone uploading a photo of their flash new car or their new designer handbag (heck I've done this myself!) or even their payslip showing how much they earned that month (yes, really) and in the blogging world this can be even worse. Of course, I'm over the moon for anyone who is successful and see them as an inspiration. However, in the age of social media and the internet, it's difficult to escape from the braggers and the talkers and those people who just like to shove it in your face how great they are and although the people who purposely do this aren't too common, the way that life is portrayed on social media can easily make you feel inadequate.

I have those days where I look at my blog and my photos and my Instagram and think "am I ever going to be successful?" I don't have a wardrobe full of Chanel handbags, I don't have super edgy pastel colour hair and I don't live on a pretty London street full of fresh flowers. I'm not in a "girl gang" and I don't have loads of famous blogger friends. Oh how I wish I could have all of that and I'm not slating anyone who does but it can be difficult not to compare yourself to these Instagram feeds and think "that'll never be me."
But you know what? Someone said to me on Twitter the other day "stop it! Comparison will kill you" and it's beyond true. There's always going to be someone who is more successful, prettier, taller, edgier and that's just life but just because they're successful doesn't mean you are not. Someone else's success does not take away from your own and that's something I've been learning recently. I'm nothing but happy for the people who have become their own success but there has always been that little part of me that has been envious and has felt crappy about it. It's so important that we realise that social media is not representative of real life. No one's life is perfect no matter how successful they are and if we try and stop comparing our bodies, our success, our money, our labels, our faces, our skin and every other materialistic thing you can list, I have a feeling we'd all be much happier in ourselves and we could beat the "not good enough mentality" that plagues so many of us.

"if not me, who? if not now, when?' - Mikhail Gorbachev 

Amy x
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19 comments

  1. I love this so much. I always, always compare myself to others and it sucks so bad! Trying to tamper it down a little bit, but it's a hard thing to do. Should get rid of the negativity. Thanks for this, Amy! x

    www.ashrealasitgets.blogspot.com

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  2. I love that flowers and Christmas lights quote, so good!
    I'm definitely guilty of this, I've been rejected from a few jobs that I really wanted recently and it's so hard for that not to be disheartening! I'm also trying to work harder on my blog so that it becomes something I'm really proud of. If I'm proud of it and have done my best then that's successful enough for me. Until I have bills to pay haha.

    Holly Sparkle

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  3. We are all definitely guilty of this from time time. I agree that social media doesn't help but I love it for what it is and how inspiring it can be as well. If full time blogging is something you want to do then I encourage you to go for it. We all put too much pressure on ourselves these days. I started blogging at the end of last year. I've been quite disheartened because I don't have many followers and can a whole week with zero views. It's my own fault though. I'm not posting regularly or promoting myself the way a blogger should to increase following. Numbers shouldn't matter as it's just a hobby but I can't help compare myself to others who started around the same time and have managed to build up there followers. We don't get anywhere without hard work! I'm proud of my other achievements. I'm going to work harder to ignore my negative self and work harder to achieve what I want from life.

    palebeautyhealth.com

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  4. I agree with you so much <3

    Never thought I will be one of the biggest bloggers in my country - Slovenia, but I did it. <3

    Dreams do come true!

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  5. I love this! So true! Comparison is never productive and something that I have been learning recently not to do! Great post!

    And your blog is amazing and definitely something you should be so proud of! xx

    www.shayholly.co.uk

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  6. This was such a great post Amy! I assumed you were already a full time blogger with how well you're doing! We all do this to ourselves and it truly is the thief of joy!

    www.duchessoffashion.co.uk

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  7. This is really inspiring post, thank you for sharing! "I don't have super edgy pastel colour hair and I don't live on a pretty London street full of fresh flowers." This quote made me laugh because even though it is a stereotype there is some truth to it - but both things don't have any influence on your success. You are right, comparison kills us and social media often contributes to a lower self-esteem. It's important to keep in mind that people don't post pictures of their microwave food or of a down-day. We only see a filtered and a 'polished' version of someone's life. I also post a lot of travel pictures but I hardly write about all the hours I had to work to go travelling or about how anxious I felt at an event. I actually assumed you were a full time blogger and I believe you would be a great one. And the least we can do in life is try. ;) xx

    113-things-to-say.blogspot.com

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  8. Love the quote used and this is so true. I always think I am not good enough and wonder why I bother with my blog as I don't think people enjoy it. But, the point is. I enjoy doing it so I shouldn't let negative thoughts get in the way. I try to actively 'think positively' and find it really makes a difference. There is nothing wrong with being your own biggest fan and confidence is attractive xx

    www.lurchhoundloves.com

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  9. I completely and utterly agree to this and this is what stops me from regular blogging! Love that you have done a post on this!

    rachel // Style Soup

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  10. This isn't just limited to the blogosphere, wait till you jump on the career ladder - the feelings are there too! Good post, thanks for sharing. x

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  11. I think we ALL feel this way at times. I think it's very normalised too, unfortunately, especially for girls and women! x

    Martha Jane | www.marthajanemusic.com

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  12. Comparison is absolutely the worst thing and it leads nowhere but feeling bad about ourselves. But sometimes it's really hard to escape from it primarily because of the ever present social media. I couldn't agree more with everything you wrote, we should learn to love out lives they way the are and just work hard, fight and not give up on dreams. Because I truly believe everything can be achieved if a person really wants it and works super hard for it :)

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  13. Totally agree. Thing with social media is you only ever really see the "perfect" aspects of their life, captured in a staged photograph or Tweet! I'm also terrible for thinking I'm not good enough, I think it's a basic human trait as I know so many people feel the same way! I am working harder to become more content with myself, I still have a long way to go but you gotta start somewhere!

    Amanda Jayne | beauty, style, life

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  14. I completely agree, it's so difficult to feel good at something when we live in such a media driven society where we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. I think sometimes you have to take a step back from it all and try to see beyond the perfect feeds! Great post :)

    Summer, The Twins Wardrobe

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  15. Amazing advice Amy, what an inspiring post!

    Emma at www.collagemepretty.com

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  16. I know EXACTLY what you mean! I come from a council estate, listen to gangster rap and smoke, I don't fit into he prim and proper blogger lifestyle yet I've just gone full time. Always believe in yourself lovely
    Arora xx
    www.aroraappleby.com

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  17. Anyone who uploads a photo of their wage slip isn't worth comparing yourself to. It might be a (literal) statement of wealth, but it's also a symbol of arrogance. Oh and those bloggers who take their photos on pretty London streets? They probably absolutely baffle the people who actually live there.

    Never compare yourself, you're you, you're unique and your blog is yours, nobody elses'. Other people's success might be aspirational, but really? It doesn't affect you. Keep doing your own thing, writing posts like this as they're the ones everyone loves reading and your own type of success will keep coming :) xxx

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  18. thank-you for this. I've had a bit of a hiatus from blogging for health reasons and am on the brink of starting again... but I'm so scared! This has given me a little encouragement to do it though.

    PS: You are one of the few blogs i read on a regular basis, far more readable than many of those "it bloggers". Your clothes are amazing, but mostly i love reading about you. Your blog has personality, right down to the name! You can't put a chanel bag on that :) xxx

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  19. thank-you for this. I've had a bit of a hiatus from blogging for health reasons and am on the brink of starting again... but I'm so scared! This has given me a little encouragement to do it though.

    PS: You are one of the few blogs i read on a regular basis, far more readable than many of those "it bloggers". Your clothes are amazing, but mostly i love reading about you. Your blog has personality, right down to the name! You can't put a chanel bag on that :) xxx

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